Couch to 5k - week 1.

So I'm back on the gym craze.  Been four times this week since Sunday. I've started a new regime.  NHS couch to 5k. So far I've been twice, with a swim the following day.

The first time was a little tough, I haven't ran in the longest time. The first week consists of 5minute walk up, followed by a 60 second run & then a 90 minute walk. This alternates for 8 times and then finishes for another 5minute walk for a cool down. The treadmill I use at the gym says that if I walk an additional 5 minutes then the whole cardio session means I burn 200 kcals. Tbh, this time round I'm not concentrating on the calorie counting. Just trying to eat as healthy as I can. My lunch today consisted of a new york bagel, low fat cottage cheese and some salad - it was DELISH. The cheese, which I was sort of cutting out of my diet is actually really good for protein. Which in turn, is really good for building muscle. The second time was a LOT easier. I have yet to do number 3, which is either going to be tonight or sunday day.

You only need to this 3 times a week before moving onto the next one. But, if I manage to hit the gym tonight that I may do number 4 on Saturday if I get time.

Will then be moving onto week 2 on Sunday. I've got a really good mental attitude about this, I really feel that this can get me to where my goal is. (Lose a dress size by August.)

I'm not bothered about how much I weigh anymore, I personally feel that this can be the most un-motivating and uninspiring way of doing it. I know that when I did this before, I didn't lose any weight, but I have clear muscle definition in my arms and legs which I never had before. So clearly, although I'd not lost any weight, I'd lost fat. Also, by measuring myself I saw that I'd managed to lose an inch & an half around my waist. However, with this training regime and with incorporating weights into it as well I will get a nicer & healthier body shape.

Hand in hand by confidence would grow. & maybe I can get myself a bikini. For the first time in my LIFE. WISH ME LUCK.

It Pours.

Do you know what I've really noticed? That life likes to challenge you. Push you to your limits and see if you can cope. Last year, I struggled because of the decisions I personally had to make and deal with. Moving on from my ex and not letting him use me anymore. Being unemployed. Dealing with depression. And of course, that other thing which happened in the summer. Somethings I dealt with ok, somethings better & some things worse. But I really think I've grown as a person because of it.

Now, this year. Life is throwing things at me that I can't do anything about. I can't work hard and change anything, because the power is not in my hands. It's incredible frustrating and ultimately makes me feel powerless. I hate waiting for answers and for other things to sort themselves out. I can guarantee this year has helped me with my patience. It started off so well, but then it's just got ridiculous.

It all started because my aunty (not by blood, but she might as well be), had to have a knee replacement. But it didn't go down very well. Que. a very naive 23 year old walking onto a hospital ward, to find her completed knocked out with a horrible oxygen mask across her face. I can't COPE with masks, they creep me out on every level. Anyway, things weren't going great and it came at the wrong time, as the hospital had been announced as one of those that were under investigation due to its high mortality rates. panic. panic. But thankfully, over a month later she's still recovering - after getting an infection. Honestly, my aunty gets so many things wrong with her. Sometimes it's a miracle that she is alive.

This was then quickly followed by two massive stresses upon my life. Home & Work.  In the same day I found out that at work it was just going to be me & my colleague, just us two, left to run a whole department and I would be having to cope with it on my own for a few days. To then return home to discover my Dad's got cancer. ON THE SAME DAY. How I did not just crash and burn is beyond me, but there we go. As it goes, I think work wise, it's really helped me improve. I am more involved and more aware of what's going on. I stepped up and so did my colleague and we did amazing. We're so on top of everything, more than I think we've ever been since I started working there. We don't know how long this will last and what the reaction will be when our 3rd member returns. But hopefully, it won't be too crazy.

My Dad's cancer. Wow. Deep breath. It still hits me like a train every time I think about it. The thing is, my Dad never gets ill. Ever. I've always been so annoyed at him for the fact that I get ill every 5 seconds and he just doesn't. This is almost like all illness's coming at once. He's got a very rare cancer. Only 500 men a year get diagnosed with it. We're lucky that it got spotted so early, that it got fast tracked & that the hospital that deals with these sorts of cases is only an hour on the train. He's got an operation on the 27th March 2013. He will be in for a minimum of 5 days, bed bound for the first two. He will need the tumour to be removed and then a skin graft to make up for it. Depending on if they remove all the tumour then he may/may not need another operation. He will be off work for two weeks. There we go, that's the facts. He's going to one of the best places in the whole world for this time of cancer. But, I just.. I can't deal with the fact that my Dad has got bloody cancer. I was able to be helpful and was able to organise his transport back from the Hospital to home as he won't be able to get public transport. The waiting to find out how serious this is and waiting to find out when his operation was to be, has been a huge weight on my shoulders. He had a UTI and had to have antibiotics as well as having a high blood pressure, which he also had to take tablets for. He's not allowed to get sick. I will be more okay with this when the operation is done and he is back home. Now that we have the operation date, it makes it all easier to deal with really.

My brother came back more into my life. We found out that he tired to commit suicide a few months back - this just makes me weep. If he had actually done it, we would have never known. Also found out recently that my great uncle is quite ill and a relative on my Dad's side was in the Hospice for symptom control. If it rains it bloody pours.

As well as all of this, I've still waiting to find out if I've got in to be a midwife. I should be finding out any day, its dragging. I just want to find out. I'm fed up on waiting.

But I guess, this will all teach me something in the long run. Let's just hope, that good things come to those that wait.

Christmasss.

It's nearly here, it's really really close. I can almost smell it. Although, that could be just the pretty candles I have burning, but that's neither here nor there. This is usually my most favourite time of the year. I'm naturally a very family-orrientated person. This year I haven't really bought many presents for people, but that hasn't bothered me. I'm SO excited for my Ma to see what I've bought her and very apprehensive about the boy opening up his presents. But hopefully all will go well.

I know that I'm getting so MAC make up as my mum slipped up this year, in fact, I seem to know what I'm getting from my mum & not by choice. Hello new clothes, hat, make up & high-heels! I've already started to think about her birthday present, she's going to be 59 & after my Dad's huge 60th I feel the need to treat her. After seeing some comments on both here & twitter, I've decided to book her (& myself of course!) in for a pamper day! It's not till May, so it's giving me something to look forward. The main reason for booking so early is because there's a special deal on the Clarice website (here) during December. Hello lovely 2-4-1! But there's also a special Mama & daughter day! That will be her start off gift, I might get her some jewellery, perfume... The difficulty with my mum is that her skin is super sensitive, so a lot of make up and other beauty products are a no go. HOWEVER, I will be seeing if I can find some stuff from Lush, but I highly doubt there will be anything there suitable. I just feel that this year has been a very difficult one not just for me, but for my mum. It means a lot that I will be able to treat her. I'm not sure what else to get, she's so hard to buy for!

But for now, I'm hoping she will just enjoy her Christmas presents - a day trip to spend with some wild birds. She LOVES bird, so there we go. Seemed perfect.

So the Christmas tree is finally up, outside lights are a go - tinsel is everywhere. Presents all bought & wrapped. WITH 10 DAYS STILL GO. I feel that I have achieved my goal this year.. Buy in advance.

How's everyone else's shopping experience going? Any suggestions on the birthday present front? :)