Hopes everyone had a lovely time. This post would have had photos but, alas, my camera is dead. Christmas went far far far too quick. But I'm quite ready to wave goodbye to 2012, you have been a bizarre year.
Christmas involved a few near-death experiences as I skidded down the A12 to pick the boyf up. Dinner at Toby Carvery, where way too much food was consumed. Followed by the delight-able experience of present-opening. I am really delighted by the presents I got this year, I literally felt spoilt. New clothes & shoes which were gorgeous. Mac makeup and nail's inc nail varnish which is incredibly glittery. I got a few things from lush which I will be happy to try out, I love their stuff. I've managed to get my hands on some Snow Fairy; I absolutely love this product. I now take it to the gym with me, it's my little pat on the back to myself after every work out. I come out of the gym smelling lovely.
I'm hoping still, to get my hands on some soap & glory products but I am very very poor this month. After paying for Mama's spar day for her birthday and putting the deposit on my friend's hen night I have been left very light of pocket.
A few reviews to come once my camera is back to life!
Xo
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label christmas. Show all posts
Saturday, 29 December 2012
Saturday, 15 December 2012
Christmasss.
It's nearly here, it's really really close. I can almost smell it. Although, that could be just the pretty candles I have burning, but that's neither here nor there. This is usually my most favourite time of the year. I'm naturally a very family-orrientated person. This year I haven't really bought many presents for people, but that hasn't bothered me. I'm SO excited for my Ma to see what I've bought her and very apprehensive about the boy opening up his presents. But hopefully all will go well.
I know that I'm getting so MAC make up as my mum slipped up this year, in fact, I seem to know what I'm getting from my mum & not by choice. Hello new clothes, hat, make up & high-heels! I've already started to think about her birthday present, she's going to be 59 & after my Dad's huge 60th I feel the need to treat her. After seeing some comments on both here & twitter, I've decided to book her (& myself of course!) in for a pamper day! It's not till May, so it's giving me something to look forward. The main reason for booking so early is because there's a special deal on the Clarice website (here) during December. Hello lovely 2-4-1! But there's also a special Mama & daughter day! That will be her start off gift, I might get her some jewellery, perfume... The difficulty with my mum is that her skin is super sensitive, so a lot of make up and other beauty products are a no go. HOWEVER, I will be seeing if I can find some stuff from Lush, but I highly doubt there will be anything there suitable. I just feel that this year has been a very difficult one not just for me, but for my mum. It means a lot that I will be able to treat her. I'm not sure what else to get, she's so hard to buy for!
But for now, I'm hoping she will just enjoy her Christmas presents - a day trip to spend with some wild birds. She LOVES bird, so there we go. Seemed perfect.
So the Christmas tree is finally up, outside lights are a go - tinsel is everywhere. Presents all bought & wrapped. WITH 10 DAYS STILL GO. I feel that I have achieved my goal this year.. Buy in advance.
How's everyone else's shopping experience going? Any suggestions on the birthday present front? :)
I know that I'm getting so MAC make up as my mum slipped up this year, in fact, I seem to know what I'm getting from my mum & not by choice. Hello new clothes, hat, make up & high-heels! I've already started to think about her birthday present, she's going to be 59 & after my Dad's huge 60th I feel the need to treat her. After seeing some comments on both here & twitter, I've decided to book her (& myself of course!) in for a pamper day! It's not till May, so it's giving me something to look forward. The main reason for booking so early is because there's a special deal on the Clarice website (here) during December. Hello lovely 2-4-1! But there's also a special Mama & daughter day! That will be her start off gift, I might get her some jewellery, perfume... The difficulty with my mum is that her skin is super sensitive, so a lot of make up and other beauty products are a no go. HOWEVER, I will be seeing if I can find some stuff from Lush, but I highly doubt there will be anything there suitable. I just feel that this year has been a very difficult one not just for me, but for my mum. It means a lot that I will be able to treat her. I'm not sure what else to get, she's so hard to buy for!
But for now, I'm hoping she will just enjoy her Christmas presents - a day trip to spend with some wild birds. She LOVES bird, so there we go. Seemed perfect.
So the Christmas tree is finally up, outside lights are a go - tinsel is everywhere. Presents all bought & wrapped. WITH 10 DAYS STILL GO. I feel that I have achieved my goal this year.. Buy in advance.
How's everyone else's shopping experience going? Any suggestions on the birthday present front? :)
Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Feeling low today. I keep getting dreams about B - as in me and him together in certain circumstances. I also dreamt the other day about K as well as B & his best mate. It was so weird because that was the situation a year ago. Well actually, longer than that. Seeing as K & J split up around this time last year. Wow. I feel in someways my head is stuck in the past, even though I feel a lot more logically about the whole thing than before.
I was meant to be going on a road trip with B & his mate but I've not heard anything from him since the other day - saturday I think. Which is good, I don't want to hear from him. But still. I feel I don't know. I dreamt last night we were together & then this morning I woke up to Adele being stuck in my head: "I dare you to let me be your one and only". This is not the sort of thing I want to think about at all. I don't want to think about it him at all. I know he's up already today, because I went on the dating website & he was there. It stings a little bit, seeing him on there. It really does. I don't want to care about it all. In some ways I think I'm making steps forward to not caring. but I don't know if I can trust that, I don't seem to really know how I feel about anything until some sort of explosion. I just checked my phone to see if he's text me: no. Although arguably I could text him - but that's not the point is it. I'm trying to let him go & move on. So not talking is the way forward.
I kind of feel stronger lately. I feel more in control of my life, I may have a potential job interview in a doctors surgery which would be fantastic. For many reasons. Just got to see if I get an interview as I got an email with the details of the job. I still feel, like, numb a lot of the time. I still feel miserable, I don't get much enjoyment out of things, but I think I'm getting better. I haven't had any suicidal thoughts or felt unstable. I've had a couple of nights crying, but talking to C about it has made me feel stronger. Her faith in me that I will get over things and get better makes me feel stronger. I don't feel like, I shouldn't be here anymore. Or what's the point. I defiantly still do not look to the future, I just think about the day and how I'm going to get through that. If anything I think about as far as the following two days or so. Time is going so quickly, I can't keep up. I don't know what is up or what is down these days. I had to ask J 3 times what day we were on. I just have no concept of the days.
Rethink have given me this diary thing. I think that's helped, I feel a lot more in control and structured. Whereas before I just felt lost and that I was sinking. Now I've got a good idea of what my day to day plan is, but I still feel like : 'I can't be fucked to do this'. I don't know if that's because I'm lazy or because I do not have the motivation to do it. I started reading my midwifery book the other day and only got maybe 1/3 of the way through the first chapter. My attention span is shot to hell. But I had a moment of really wanting to do it - so I did. but otherwise.. for example.. right now. There's nothing I really want to do. I just want something to distract my mind away from today. If I can just get through today I will feel better. Oddly, I accidentally opened up an app on my ipod for the christmas countdown & the christmas music started playing - it was 301 days until Christmas. & that makes me sad. It makes me sad right now actually. That I'm going to be alone & single for christmas - I say alone. But only in the single sense. I will have my mum & dad etc.
God I found christmas SO hard to deal with this time round. I honestly think thats when my real depression hit. Because it would physically hurt. The reason, I think I had stayed at B's for one night and spent the day there. Yeah, and I came home for dinner. It might have been christmas Eve, or the day before, winter wipeout was on. I had the radio on and it was playing christmas songs & the loneliness I felt when I drove home. I don't know why, I don't know why I felt it. I had no problem any time before hand.. Actually, I think. I think I realised how fake the whole thing with B was, because I could pretend that I was dealing. But christmas is the time your meant to spend with your loved ones & I wasn't spending it with him. I think I've been in denial about him for a long time. I keep, I keep getting flashbacks of Ireland with him. The trip literally days before we broke up. That'll have been a year next month. Oh god, what if I can't cope through March?! It's B's birthday & a whole year since we broke up & Ireland. What if it hurts so bad? I've got a twinge now for christ sake. Fuck fuck fuck. I hadn't thought of that. Forget it, I'm just going to have to forget it. I won't care about it all by then. I have a month. Ish.
Please, let me get this job & let me move on from this.
I was meant to be going on a road trip with B & his mate but I've not heard anything from him since the other day - saturday I think. Which is good, I don't want to hear from him. But still. I feel I don't know. I dreamt last night we were together & then this morning I woke up to Adele being stuck in my head: "I dare you to let me be your one and only". This is not the sort of thing I want to think about at all. I don't want to think about it him at all. I know he's up already today, because I went on the dating website & he was there. It stings a little bit, seeing him on there. It really does. I don't want to care about it all. In some ways I think I'm making steps forward to not caring. but I don't know if I can trust that, I don't seem to really know how I feel about anything until some sort of explosion. I just checked my phone to see if he's text me: no. Although arguably I could text him - but that's not the point is it. I'm trying to let him go & move on. So not talking is the way forward.
I kind of feel stronger lately. I feel more in control of my life, I may have a potential job interview in a doctors surgery which would be fantastic. For many reasons. Just got to see if I get an interview as I got an email with the details of the job. I still feel, like, numb a lot of the time. I still feel miserable, I don't get much enjoyment out of things, but I think I'm getting better. I haven't had any suicidal thoughts or felt unstable. I've had a couple of nights crying, but talking to C about it has made me feel stronger. Her faith in me that I will get over things and get better makes me feel stronger. I don't feel like, I shouldn't be here anymore. Or what's the point. I defiantly still do not look to the future, I just think about the day and how I'm going to get through that. If anything I think about as far as the following two days or so. Time is going so quickly, I can't keep up. I don't know what is up or what is down these days. I had to ask J 3 times what day we were on. I just have no concept of the days.
Rethink have given me this diary thing. I think that's helped, I feel a lot more in control and structured. Whereas before I just felt lost and that I was sinking. Now I've got a good idea of what my day to day plan is, but I still feel like : 'I can't be fucked to do this'. I don't know if that's because I'm lazy or because I do not have the motivation to do it. I started reading my midwifery book the other day and only got maybe 1/3 of the way through the first chapter. My attention span is shot to hell. But I had a moment of really wanting to do it - so I did. but otherwise.. for example.. right now. There's nothing I really want to do. I just want something to distract my mind away from today. If I can just get through today I will feel better. Oddly, I accidentally opened up an app on my ipod for the christmas countdown & the christmas music started playing - it was 301 days until Christmas. & that makes me sad. It makes me sad right now actually. That I'm going to be alone & single for christmas - I say alone. But only in the single sense. I will have my mum & dad etc.
God I found christmas SO hard to deal with this time round. I honestly think thats when my real depression hit. Because it would physically hurt. The reason, I think I had stayed at B's for one night and spent the day there. Yeah, and I came home for dinner. It might have been christmas Eve, or the day before, winter wipeout was on. I had the radio on and it was playing christmas songs & the loneliness I felt when I drove home. I don't know why, I don't know why I felt it. I had no problem any time before hand.. Actually, I think. I think I realised how fake the whole thing with B was, because I could pretend that I was dealing. But christmas is the time your meant to spend with your loved ones & I wasn't spending it with him. I think I've been in denial about him for a long time. I keep, I keep getting flashbacks of Ireland with him. The trip literally days before we broke up. That'll have been a year next month. Oh god, what if I can't cope through March?! It's B's birthday & a whole year since we broke up & Ireland. What if it hurts so bad? I've got a twinge now for christ sake. Fuck fuck fuck. I hadn't thought of that. Forget it, I'm just going to have to forget it. I won't care about it all by then. I have a month. Ish.
Please, let me get this job & let me move on from this.
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