Wishful thinking.

Hello lovers,

Hope all is week 9 days into the new year. I can safely say it feels like a LOT longer than that. I wonder how many people have already given up their new years resolutions ;). I feel like I'm working towards mine as it stands. Since the last time I blogged I'd lost a whole ONE POUND. But I still count this as a success; every little helps and all. I've been going to the gym :

Saturday: half a mile swim.
Sunday: quarter of a mile swim.
Monday: half a mile swim.
Tuesday: weights & 2 mile speedy walk.

I know, nothing exactly exciting but I haven't been able to get onto my favourite machine at the gym (sounds quite sad doesn't it!) which is the cross trainer. I literally feel like I work my arse off on that machine. So when I come off it 42 minutes later (knowing I've burnt around 500kcal!), I feel like I've successfully achieved my goal that day. This may be attempted tomorrow or Friday, depending on how I feel. As it stands I feel physically exhausted. I'm struggling today to actually move myself around I just want to sleep. But, I think I've lost some weight around my tummy so it's just a price I have to pay.

On a personal note I had a good conversation with two of my friends about the lack of self esteem and confidence I have in myself and the potential that this has to damage my relationship with my boyfriend. I literally lack anything and I think that it's time I sorted this situation out.

I have a few products that I got bought for christmas which I am waiting to get round to review. Lush & MAC. I could rave about Lush until the cows come home, I LOVE their stuff. I look forward to being able to purchase a few things when I get paid.

Nothing much really to say tbh. I've discovered that my boyfriend is more than likely going to move out with his best friend (*sob*). I am a little sad to think that it won't be me & the reason? Because I might be going into midwifery and thus, can't "afford" it. I'm really gutted if truth be told. I find it hard to believe that he will want to move out very soon after moving in with his best friend. It also means that any plans I had to move out are completely on hold. Although I love being at home and the idea of moving out terrifies me, knowing that I could see my boyfriend every day made it worth it. But now, that idea has gone to poo. I guess that means I have more money to spend on pretty things. Although, if I don't get into my midwifery, I will be absolutely gutted.

Fingers crossed I get in. Hurry up March/April!

Emotional Dream.

I've just watched the 'Make me a midwife'. 

The second episode of The Midwives that has been playing on BBC2. I've never had such an emotional reaction to a TV programme. I was absolutely terrified, elated and excitied. Lately I have been having doubts about whether or not I would be able to do it. The amount of responsibility as a midwife is huge. The work load is massive and the course itself is just hard work. I do wonder if I have the ability to make it - even if I were to get onto the course.

But watching that programme has just confirmed that being a midwife is just what I want to do. More than anything in the world. I just can't explain the reaction I just got. But wow. It makes me want to get up and work on my personal statement and apply right now. But I'm not going to rush anything, the worst thing that could happen is if I didn't get it. Because this is everything to me.

I know what I want.. I want love. That sort of happy love where you act like kids and hold hands. Yeah that is what I want now, defiantly. Maybe I need time to let go off B before I could decide that. Because doing so meant that I wanted something away from him, as he wouldn't give that to me. Now I just want some one to come along and for us to be together and be happy. Nothing serious as engagement, just to love each other. Especially in the summer. That Wouk be glorious.


A girl can wish though.