Today has been a day that I might remember for a little while. Not a day for the date, but because today I'm pretty much sure I got diagnosed with depression. Not something massive or life changing... It's not a shock to me to be pretty honest. I think I've been dancing the depression line for a long time now. Or maybe I crossed it a while back but only now realising the fall except of my trip down the dancing road.
My point is that today I got some explanation for how I've been feeling. So Today a new blog. But it'll be completely closed on who I am. I want to be able to confess everything. Everything. Even those things that I'm ashamed to say. Why? Because I need to get it out of my system somewhere. But I want someone to be able to read it.. Because, then some-one can or can't let me know if I'm normal & if they, maybe, feel the same way that I do.
Whilst at the Doctors they ask you all these questions about how you're feeling. I said that a while ago I said to my mum : "If I got hit by a bus and died.. I wouldn't feel bothered. I wouldn't feel robbed". I feel nothing at a statement so.. inflamatory. Not that I want to kill myself, I just can't be bothered with life & it's.. crap. I'm finding it hard to keep myself going because I've got nothing going for me. I wake up, I do stuff.. I don't even know what I do to be honest.. and then I go to bed.... It's an endless cycle of sheer boredom and things that I loved to do, no longer hold much enjoyment because I've over done them.
I'm not quite sure how long I will keep this blog open for or how long I will manage to keep it up. But I think it's time I got some of this stuff off my chest & maybe help me to let it all go.
These are my confessions.
These are my memories.
These are my hopes & dreams.
& my disappointments & heartache.