Dry shampoo - The saviour.

The one downside about trying to go the gym a lot is washing my hair. I literally have to wash my hair as soon as I feel like I've gotten hot and sweaty. Greasy hair for me is a massive NO-NO. I'm utterly paranoid about having greasy hair. Anyway, whenever I go to the gym I always wash my hair with Aussie's Everyday Shampoo (boots). Simply because I hate the idea of having way too many unnecessary chemicals in my hair on a daily basis. However, the downside of this is that my hair does get semi greasy by the next morning/afternoon. Introduce this gem Batiste Dry Shampoo, my personal fav is the Blush, which I have in the biggest form. I generally go to the gym straight after work, which means that between the hours of 7:30am and 4:30pm I am stuck with whatever state my hair is in. There is no point washing it, if it's just going to be washed later on in the day or it might be because I want to sleep the extra 5/10 minutes.

With all that in mind, I needed a dry shampoo for me to basically function without worry about my hair. The only negative side affects of this product is that if you spray it too close, it will leave your hair grey/white. This needs to be thoroughly rubbed in with both hands and brush, but once this has been rubbed in it leaves my hair looking clean! It's a big worry and issue off of my shoulders. Highly recommend :)

Gym-tastic.

Motivated? Positive? Get up & go?

I'm pretty much lying to myself that I have all those things in order to go to one of those things ^. A gym. I've been a member of my gym for 4 months, having been a member a year beforehand. I managed to lose a stone with the helping hand of weight watchers. The last 4 months have been hard and the gym has pretty much taken a backseat in that. In doing so I have made excuse after excuse not to go. "I'm too tired" or "I hurt too much" or "I have things I really need to do at home". Although these reasons do hold some truth to them, I've found that really the bottom line is that I've been to lazy to go. But now, I seem to have my motivation back and I'm going to convince myself enough that I do. I would really love to lose half a stone by the end of September in order to feel more confident when I basically play host at my Dad's 60th birthday party. Whereby half of my family will be there and shit loads of friends of the family. I want to feel confident and have beautiful photos to look back on. So my goal is to lose half a stone by the 29th of September and maybe a dress size?! I want to buy a beautiful dress that I can wear and just feel amazing.

My weight has been the thing that's held me back for so long. Probably too long. It's time I take control and hopefully start to feel better about myself. It will be good for me, my boyfriend & my life.

So I decided to bite the bullet and make my profile sort of... public. haha. SO HIII, to anyone reading even if I know you or not. Not going to lie there is some very VERY personal information on here that I probably should remove if I were to read it again or make it private.. I may do that now anyway. But I feel it's time for me to branch out now and develop this blog in a new and positive light, rather than the negative one it started in. Maybe in some ways it will help in a new way as well!

I don't get blogger and how it works. I just click follow & publish and that is about as far as it goes.. & as far as I am aware that's all it does. Tell me if I am wrong! I hope some find this interesting, some may find it dull. I'm not really fussed. I'm just happy that I have it. It's more a diary than anything tbh!

So yeah. My blog, my views & my experiences I guess :)

I really like a lot of the bbloggers posts and I would love to join in.. Very tempted to create a blog for fun stuff and then keep this one as private. Not that I'm bothered about people reading it, I'm just not sure if I want my personal friends to read this as many of them don't know what I've been through. (Update on that later.) I'm not ashamed of what I've done but it's not necessarily something I want people to see for the first thing, if that makes sense.

I'm not sure. I think it's something that needs to be more upfront rather than tabboo. It's a horrible choice to have gone through, so no-one should ever be made to feel guilty for making that choice.

Nails :)

Not going lie, even from a tiny kid at primary school, I have always loved nail varnishs & the look of a french manicure. Although I have never been a very girly girl in my teens, I feel like now I'm starting to become more like that. Getting more involved with make- up and so on. But nails, I just I LOVE them. Pretty nail varnish has always been a bit of a soft spot & shoes apparently, that's a very recent development. ANYWAY. I thought I would do a little review on the nail varnish I bought recently.

It's by Rimmel, and claims to have a professional finish & anti-fade colour system. The second photo (neither of which is very clear, but I hope you get the idea), was taken after two weeks of applying the nail varnish. It hasn't chipped or faded really at all.
I'm a lazy nail looker-after, so I generally keep a varnish on for a long time until it's needs to be reapplied or taken off. This is usually after a week, so an extra week additional time is a very positive outlook for me. I would definitely recommend, if like me, you don't have much time to work on your nails & want a quick & affective nail polish :)

Eveninggg :)

I am feeling much better these days. Can honestly say I feel like I've moved on from the all negativity and definitely trying to become a more positive person. They say it's all about perspective and here's to me changing that.

Jamie and I have become official.. The date was the 5th of August 2012 and I think I've fallen in love with him. He just makes me so happy on a really subtle level. I feel like I can be me and I don't need to worry. I just feel content and contected to him on a level I've never known before. The other night we just sat and cuddled and watched TV and I was just.. relaxed. So relaxed. I have never felt like this before. I'm not insecure, I'm not worried.. Its the first time I've not been uptight either. I do worry that sometimes I'm going to be emotional for him and I sometimes get scared of the risk of getting hurt, but I just feel like this is really worth it.

I really feel like I'm taking control of my life. I restarted my university application today to become a midwife. To be honest it wasn't a lot of work as my application from before was still about. I juts had to update it. I really hope because of the job I do, that it will give me the edge I need to get in. It's so hard to become a midwife these days because so many people want to do it. So fingers tightly crossed that I at least get to the interviews this time. Then I will freak out because I will be completely out of my depth as I don't know anything they will ask me.

Money wise I'm ok. I went into my overdraft by £200 last month - EEK. Just got paid on Monday so hopefully this month I can stop spending. I've not put £400 into my savings account and although £100 of that is going onto my tattoo, I feel that I'm getting somewhere. I always knew that the first 3 months would be a case of me spending a lot to catch up with things I needed to buy. Then having my luxuries on top of that. AKA. Two expensive tattoo's (will have cost me £400) and then my high top converses (£42), but I LOVE them. This month (I say this month, I got paid yesterday),  I spent £25 on some bed linen for the new bed sheets I have. I just need another 2 sets then I'm happy. I just need some more Pj's   & some more tights & tops & an outfit for my dad's 60th (although potentially already have an outfit in mind) for it. I have booked in a make up artist for myself for the party & am debating if I want to get my nails painted pretty or just keep them tidy for the night. Either way, I want to really push the boat out.

The only thing I need to before now & then is to finish my midwifery application & maybe lose half a stone (?!) and I will be happy.

For now I just want this cough to die and for me to feel healthy enough to get to the gym in the first place. :)

Clearing out my old clothes, pjs and underwear. Anything with a reference to a previous life pretty much needs to go. I need a new start and I kind of feeling I'm shredding my old skin, metaphorically speaking.

I literally could snap right now though. I'm due on my period and my emotional state is fragile to say the least. I literally can not stand ANYTHING. I half want to be left alone and half want to be chased after. I'm stupid and clumsy and I just can't do anything right. At work I just feel like such a loser and my anger is so easy to spring upon it's insane. I'm arguing with my friends, I just.. I can't even explain it. Maybe that's my problem, maybe that's the issue here. I'm trying to make sense of something that's completely irrational. I just feel like such a horrible person. I've turned into this spiteful jealous person. I see people and think "you don't deserve that". Or someone tells me something and I think: "you're just telling me that to spite me - SO KINDLY FUCK OFF". I'm just so irritated at everything.

I think I feel a bit stressed and overwhelmed with everything, but really the only thing that's getting on top of me is myself. I'm stressing myself out by putting too much pressure upon myself. It's not healthy or good. I feel like a failure at this moment in time because I didn't go to the gym today, but my leg is hurting from the chiro. I don't want to go to the gym. I just want to sleep. Forever. Never wake up. I'm probably going to get into my pjs after I finish writing this with my book and hope that I go to sleep just before 10pm. I need sleep and I need to feel calmer. With a clearer head. Seriously. It needs to be for my job.. I just don't understand myself that much.  I don't know why I do it.. I don't feel like I deserve to be happy and even if I do it makes me vulnerable because some one then has the chance to knock me down.

Shit with friends going down... I just can't be arsed to deal with it. At all. I just. I don't even know. It's shit because I don't really know what to say and yet I feel like I've got so much to say and do that I don't know where to begin and yet, I sit down and think right, what have I got to do and I don't have anything. Apart from the gym and starting my midwifery application - maybe. I just think I need to relaxxx and calm and just switch off from everything. I just need a cuddle from my boy and some laughter.

I really do.