Wednesday, 24 October 2012

It's been a long time since I last posted. I don't even remember what I last posted about. Nearly a month, bit of a crazy month too. I've decided that I'm not going to kid myself with this blog, it is what it is - a personal place for me to my deepest 'thoughts'. Thus, nothing particularly interesting as much as I wish it were otherwise.

I've decided to remove all other aspects of social media for the time being; facebook and twitter. Elements on both were just quite frankly, pissing me the fuck off. People I consider 'friends' just wrote such utter bollox that I couldn't bring myself to read it anymore. I think I will probably bring facebook back just because it enables me to keep in contact with people I wouldn't otherwise. Plus, I can be nosey with people I semi-know; bonus. Twitter if I do, it will be a brand new one. With no-one I know personally on it. I'm fed up with being unable to write what I truly feel with the fear of upsetting some-one. No one else gives a shit.

I think the last month has been a complete eye-opener to the reality of what it means to be a good 'friend'. I think in most, I've been let down by nearly every single friend of mine. I've realised that one of them, is only interested when they want to be or when they're single - I really can't STAND people like this. I thought she was a bit of a cow when I worked with, but now I think she is an udderly utter one. I won't be there for people who are not there for me, and she is a complete show of one of those. No thank you. Considering all the shit she gave me for not wanting to pay out £200 for a dress to be a bridesmaid, when I had ONLY just started working; shockingly though, that's all been cancelled and she got back in contact after two months.... If she wants to be friends with me she's going to get a mouthful of it; I'm not going to sit back and let her think it's acceptable. I won't be pushed around like that.

Another friend just plain pisses me off. Everything she says I want to shout at her for being absolutely retarded. There is more to life than just boys and drinking. Personally, if you're going out nearly every weekend getting so drunk you can hardly stand and throw up then you have nothing much to give. Oh, did I mention that she has a 6 year old son that she pams off her family relatives so that she can do such activities? I understand that she wants to leave a 22 year old's life but there is a limit and sometimes I think she puts herself and needs to drink and be with boys before her son. I just even.. I just can't stand seeing her talking to ex AGAIN. For the hundred millionth time, it just pisses me off on such a level. If you haven't learnt by now what a prick he is well, you have no hope. I can't understand these girls and their desperate need to be with some-one. Just by going back with the person that hurts them time and time again. Fuck my life, I don't need to know or see. Good-bloody-bye. No that she's noticed I've disappeared anyway. Shock number two. Not.

Met a friend for the first time - only taken us 6 years -- and she all but had a mental breakdown. Jesus, I haven't done that since, forever. I don't even understand why it happened or what the hell she was thinking. But I just can't believe that her and her friend (they both basically dominated the whole weekend with their immature emotional ability) have such a low emotional maturity. They both need to grow up and face the real world. It was the most emotionally exhausting weekend of my life.

Oh, then to come home to find out that my boyfriend's 16 year old sister - who turns 17 on halloween - is pregnant. WOW. Really.. WOW. I burst into tears when I found out; how cruel and unfair this world is. This, in my eyes, is the worst person to ever get pregnant about now. When everything is still a little it raw to discover this. As it goes, last Sunday I just basically screamed at J for how unfair it is that she's pregnant and keeping it. When I couldn't. I felt a WHOLE lot better, but he had a point. I can't compare the two situations, they are different. It has plagued me for a little while, but I hope that I can put this aside and move on from it all.

I know that no one is perfect that everyone has flaws. But I have most definitely noticed that I have somehow surrounded myself with people who seem to 'need' me for one reason or the other,  but ignore every word of advice that is given to them. They are emotional vampires, I can't live with it anymore. These people aren't really friends in one way or another, to wrapped up in their own selfish-centred lives which is cruelly 'shit' that they can't begin to comprehend how it is for anyone else. Don't get me wrong, I've been there and done that. I think in some ways I still do - it's probably something we all do. But at least be grown up about it. Jeeez.

In the job I do, it just puts things into perspective and you learn what it is and what isn't important when push comes to shove. I just wish that others would realise it. For the sake of my sanity at least.

Siigh. Rant over.

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