I'm pregnant. 

I'm actually pregnant. I took my pregnancy test Saturday morning around 6:30am and it's now sunday 8pm. Jay knows and he's been amazing. I'm booking in with the doctor asap and then going to booked in at the clinic. I don't know if it's the sort of situation where it's the same day or not. I don't even know. But I'm having an abortion. Jesus I've not even said that. It took me over 12 hours to even say that I was pregnant let alone going to have a termination. My hormones are all up the creek to be honest so I can't really honestly say how I feel cause I don't really know. 

But I think, I think I love being pregnant. I know I've only known less than two days but. yeah I think I really do. I saw Jay today and we both agreed that we wouldn't be able to provide the best situation for it all. So yeah here I am. Agreeing for a termination. At the time it's the right thing and I know I will go through with it. It's probably going to kill me a bit inside but yeah. I'm going to do it. And. I don't know. I'm just emotional and shit. I'm bawling my eyes out and I feel like shit and I can't take anything. 

I just don't even know what I'm meant to say or feel. I just hope I'm strong enough to keep it together.