Sunday, 15 July 2012

I'm home alone tonight and the evening is dragging so bad. I've got nothing to watch and nothing really to do that appeals. Maybe I should watch a film or read my book. A part of me has wanted to be on my own for a while, just to breathe. But being at home alone, without my parents, is a little lonely. It's just so quite. I feel like I've made a bit of a break through. Going to the gym is definitely helping with this. It keeps me busy and it makes me feel good about myself. It's just about building my confidence back up.

I kind of think the reason why I found this week so hard to deal with is because I started my new job. Which in itself is a very scary thing, but this job deals with end of life patients. People are dying and die. It's a rather depressing scenario but I believe now I've gotten used to it, I hope. This week seems a little daunting but I'm hoping that in a week or two I will become more confident in my job and will actually start to enjoy it. I think I find my boss rather intimidating and I don't want to come across as stupid or an idiot. One of my biggest issues. So hopefully, once I'm more settled I will feel more secure and happy. Less on edge. Thats what I hope anyway.

I really want to start getting involved in a community online but I don't really know what and where to look. I know that there is a healthy blogs out there, but I'm not involved with food or fitness to really fit into that category. My interests are books, piercings and tattoos, gigs etc. More of the alternative. Its not something you can talk about on a daily basis. But I hope that maybe I can find some people to connect with.

I've been trying today to see if I can find any blog posts that people have written about their experience of having an abortion. I didn't really find anything, but I don't really understand how works search wise to really find that information out. I hope that at some point I will be able to figure it out and find out how other people have felt going through it. I definitely do not feel ashamed of what I did, but I know I do feel ashamed that I got myself into that situation. It's an idiotic situation which I would never have estimated that I could get into. Maybe one day I will really get over it.

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