I feel like after the massive drop a couple of weeks ago that my life is starting to pick up now. Tomorrow I go to the doctors for check up and to see how everything is going. I feel a lot more positive in me and my skin. I guess with the decision that I made too. I kind of feel now that I was never was pregnant or the drama surrounding it happened. I sat down and had a frank discussion with my 'bf' or whatever he is and I feel a lot more... secure with it. Him admitting to me that he will never understand what I went through didn't make me feel so alone about it. I just feel a lot happier.

I almost want to start shouting about this blog on twitter,  but I can't because people from my personal life would read this and I just don't want them to. Maybe one day but not now. I've made plans to see people and I've been going to work and although today I feel poo because of the heat, I do feel better. I don't really trust it because I don't really understand what triggered of what happened before. So I feel a bit like I'm walking on egg shells at the moment. Been going back to the gym, haven't been so far this week because it has just been so incredibly hot that I just can not function. Not that great when you're meant to be working - shit. However, I think they understand.

Also this week I bought a shit loads of stuff online. A shit load of new underwear, tops & dresses. One dress doesnt fit me so well because it can't get round my boobs, but I'm tempted to hold onto it o see if I can fit into it when I lose some weight. See, see what I did there? Lose, as in I WILL lose the weight. I\m going to go tomorrow after work and before I meet up with my (ex) work collegues for dinner. Going to hit the weights & the cross trainer. Really just, want to do it this time. I want to lose 18pounds and be happy with my weight. I really do and I really hope that this time I can manage it.