Sighh. I have this really strong urge to talk to B. I don't know why I get them or what spark them - I guess I just miss him. Someone mentioned paranormal activity today and I had such a strong image of two years of me, b, j and k all sitting at b's for his birthday watching it the night before the sky dive that never happened. The image is so strong its like it happened a week ago not 2 years ago. Also stumbled across messages between b and me saying : I love you etc. it doesn't even feel like me. It's like reading two strangers having a conversation. I wish I could just forget about him and let it go. Now. Not in a few weeks or whatever.

Thing is, I know he's not missing me or wanting me so why do I wait around for him? It's his birthday at the end of the month. And it'd be a year since we broke up as well. I think it's going to be a difficult month but I'm thinking hat once this month is out of the way it'll be over. I hope. Just can't believe that in some ways I'm going to be on the same position last year this year over the same guy. Silly me. But at least I've learnt some things. Friends with benefits with an ex just doesn't work.

:(