Saturday, 18 February 2012


I am defiantly starting to feel more myself today. I don't feel any unhappiness, just feel a lot more content. Maybe it's because things are starting to sort themselves out? I don't know. Hopefully though this is a good sign. I was feeling really angry when I first woke up & had a bit of a shouting/argument with my parents about something completely irrelevant. But after having a shower and knowing that I'm seeing L tonight makes things a little bit more easier.

I think also it helps that I haven't really thought about B that much. Instead I'm thinking more about.. S. haha. This massively makes me think of J.R Ward's lessers right now. But that's neither here nor there. I've started to enjoy reading again, but I'm just wary because I'm not sure how long this will last for. If I start thinking about B to much I start feeling a sadness which I know I shouldn't. I'm hoping that forgetting about it him is going to be the way forward. I do still want him in my life as my friend, but I want to be able to do that without feeling shit/jealous if he finds a new girlfriend. Which no doubt he will. It's weird I can go days without talking to him but I'm sure if I see him on MSN I'll feel a pang of whatever it is I feel. I think I'm over the worst that I'm going to feel with regards to him.

I've also lost 1 pound. Not a massive deal since I last weighed myself, but I'd had breakfast and I've lost something. Especially with the amount of rubbish food I have been eating. Hopefully I can nip that in the bud and keep on doing my fast pace walking & shift some weight. I REALLY want to lost a stone by May... Simply because that was when I was meant to go with B to a wedding. Not sure if that will be happening, but I want to look beautiful & wonderful for that party. So, losing weight is going to be something that makes me feel happier and healthier than I really want to do it. For me. & Only for me. Because B never said once about me being too fat or too thin, or having bumps in all the wrong places. But either way I now weight 12 stone 8. so I want to be at least 11 stone by May. Even if it's 11 stone 13/14 I don't care. Just want it to go!

But regardless, I want to lose the weight, go on a few dates. Feel good again. Yes, that's what I want to do.

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