I really do wonder if he went on that road trip today or not. I don't know why I'm so interested. I'm probably never going to hear from him again or go to his flat again. My heart aches at that, but it's going to have to man-up and catch up with the logical side now. Enough is enough. I can't go on like this with him. Just because it sort of hurts me now doesn't mean it's not the right thing to do.

Just go off the phone with a very nice lady about some practical support. She's given me this number to see where I stand legally and I've been booked into see a guy about my CV / volunteering / career help. So this should help and if nothing else it may help be get some information under my belt about what's going to make me more likely to apply/get in to be a midwife. Maybe.

Was just talking to Mum also about everything. I said to her that I wondered if B had gone on the trip. I told her that I don't really know what I want or even don't want when it comes to him, a relationship, causal things; not just with B but with other people. I just do not know. I don't think having another relationship casual or serious is going to help the situation because I don't really know how that's going to help.

So yeah, at least I'm getting some extra help now.