I think I'm a bit pathetic for saying.. But after I have friends over, my home always seems a little hollow / quiet. :(
Spent a lot of the evening with LC explaining my shit situation and about B. I think they've kind of come to a conclusion that we're pretty much in a relationship - when we're not. They think I need to make a decision about it.. So I'm trying to not talk to him. I've text him once which was Wednesday but that's it. He's not text me at all. I wonder if he would ever read this, I wonder what it makes him feel if he did. He must care about me right? To look after me & for me to stay at his. The idea of letting him go makes me panic, because he's my security blanket. Which he shouldn't be, but that's the way it is. He's probably getting drunk right now with his friends and something I thought I might have been invited too.. But I haven't but that's fine because he knew I was going out tonight. For the first time. In months.
Going out on the town next weekend. I want to get SMASHED. SO much so that I can't stand up properly. Why? Because I have seriously no self-respect anymore & it means I don't think. Bonus. Might as well turn into the stereotype of a British young-adult.