So I log onto MSN. He's on msn. 5 minutes later.. he signs off msn. Oversensitive? Just a coincidence? Avoidance? IDON'TKNOW. All I know is that I haven't spoken to him since Monday night and it is now Wednesday night. I don't know what I should make of this, I probably shouldn't make anything of it. But you know what.. I can't help it. I'm trying really hard now to let it all go and move away. Because I know my mental health has to come first and breaking away from him is a good start. He has become my safety net which is always going to be an issue because he's not someone I can 100% depend on. But at least I can see the situation for what it is. Trouble is, I kind of fancy this other guy that I've been talking to on a online dating website. He seems cute & adorable.. He's on the same wave length as me. I really don't want the two over lap. I want to be honest and up front. But I'm not sure if anything will happen with this other guy. Just a few emails over the last couple of days. Neither of us has suggested meeting up and I don't really want to. I don't want to deal with the stress of meeting up with this guy and wondering if he's going to find my body attractive or not. Even though I've stated my body type is a 'couple of extra pounds'... Make that 14 extra pounds. Ooops.
So anyway. I spoke to the lady from Health in Mind today. She was really lovely and helpful. She's going to be looking after me until I'm better and can deal with the situation a lot more. I suffer from a high level of depression and a moderate level of anxiety.. I never really thought I suffered from anxiety, but now looking at the situation I can see that.
But its all good because I now know what I'm dealing with and how I can go about it. I've got a sort of direction which I didn't have before. So I can take baby steps. The first thing I need to do is to create a goal. For it to be very particular. My goal is thus: To go on Just Dance3 between 2 & half 2 mon-fri. It's not anything massive. It's do-able. Fun. Enjoyable. It will make me feel better because it's exercise. A positive step. Thing is I find if I have to do something I generally don't want to do it. Then it doesn't last very long. I don't understand why I rebuff this sort of stuff so often. But it's the main reason why I was never able to keep up the gym or any sort or routine. I just go : 'I don't wannaaa' or 'I cant be arseddd'. That or I'm pure lazy. Either or.
I'm just going to take it a day at a time and see how it goes. Baby steps & all.